


When She Watches

by VirginiaBlack517



Category: Lost Girl (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-01-25 15:02:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18576892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VirginiaBlack517/pseuds/VirginiaBlack517
Summary: Love is hard to find here at the end of the world, but Bo wonders if her heart might have a place with the new doctor who's come to the family lodge for refuge. Then a simple supply run with Kenzi goes bad, and Bo fears she may have missed her chance. A short story in four parts. (Lost Girl, Human AU but with supernatural creatures, OOC. Rated M for a reason.)





	1. Part 1

** Author's Note:  ** _While I've got several projects in the hopper, this is the story that keeps whispering to me in the dead of night. This will be one of my shortest at only four chapters, but there's something here that I can't shake, so let's do this. As always, let me know what you think here in the comments or over on Twitter (at virginiablk517)._

Part 1 - A Quick Run

 

Bo took a deep, painful breath of freezing cold air and closed the lodge doors behind her with a clunk. The clouds that had brought five inches of new powder overnight were gone now. The sunlight was barely warm enough to feel on her skin, but it was bright and calming. 

She fought the urge to smile and won, but it was close. It felt too damned wonderful to be out of the stifling warmth of the lodge’s common room packed in with the other residents. She winced when she realized she’d left her gloves inside, and could have gone back to get them, but it was quiet and peaceful out here. All eyes would be on her the moment she opened the door.

Though one pair of those eyes was more welcome than the rest.

She balled her frozen hands into fists, tucked them under her arms, and closed her eyes against the welcome glare.

A low whine from the access road grew louder as a vehicle approached. At the same time, the lodge door opened behind her. Bo probably looked like some kind of sun-worshipping hippie standing on the wide porch, letting the tiny bit of sun kiss her face. It wouldn’t be good for her reputation.

Bo opened her eyes as the thump of boots reverberated through the floorboards. A brush against her arm made her turn her head.

With a smile and a raised eyebrow, Lauren folded a pair of familiar gloves into Bo's hand, her touch warm against Bo's frozen skin. Lauren's long hair was tucked under a skullcap with the logo of a soccer team that didn’t exist anymore.

Bo wondered how Lauren had known about the gloves, as if Lauren had some kind of sixth sense attuned only to Bo. Then again, ever since Lauren had arrived at the lodge a few weeks ago, Bo herself always seemed to know where Lauren was.

Lauren had put on some weight since then and now had the build of a runner and not the emaciated refugee she’d appeared to be the week before Christmas. She wasn't dressed for the elements like Bo, and shivered in the cold. Lauren seemed taller from a distance, but this close, Bo found they were eye-to-eye. And right now, Lauren's dark eyes were as bright as her smile.

“Thanks,” Bo said, fighting off a blush at her forgetfulness.

An engine revved as something stopped in front of the main stairs, but instead of turning around, Bo watched Lauren looking at the new arrival. The smile on Lauren's face faded, then flared again as she nodded at Bo before heading back inside without a word.

Lauren never spoke. Not to anyone, not even Bo. She hadn’t spoken aloud during her entire stay at the lodge.

Bo sighed as she turned away from the doors.

Even though the driver was bundled in layers of outdoor gear, Bo knew who it was. Kenzi had taken the cover off the Jeep and the bulk of her coat and gloves and skullcap covered much of Kenzi's exposed skin, but long dark hair crept over lean shoulders.

“Just the bitch I want to see,” Kenzi said over the roar of the engine as she shifted into neutral. “You armed?”

“Yeah,” Bo said as she walked the few snow-covered stairs down to the gravel drive. She went nowhere without her pistol.

“Hop in.” Kenzi shifted the jeep back into first gear. She wasn’t wearing any of the harnesses or belts and danced a bit in her seat. “I want to make a run before the boys get back.”

“This late?” It wasn’t yet noon, but it was a bad idea to head out too late in the day. Too much of a chance of getting caught outside the perimeter after dark. Still, Bo climbed into the Jeep.

“Out and back,” Kenzi said, pulling away from the lodge. “Maybe two hours round trip. I found a new spot  yesterday that I don’t think Dyson knows about yet. I want to see if there’s any good shit left. That bastard always gets first choice.”

Bo pulled the lap belt across her thighs and bolted herself in.

When Bo glanced back at the lodge doors, Lauren was standing behind the thick inlaid glass of the lodge doors.

Lauren waved. Bo didn’t wave back.

 

-x-x-x-

 

They rode the mile long drive to the perimeter’s barrier without talking. The wind made conversation difficult, and the roar of the old engine echoed off the side walls of snow piled up next to the road. The snow was half again as high as the Jeep, and Bo could only see the road ahead and the clear blue sky above.

When Bo saw the barrier, she didn’t have much to say anyway. The harsh reminder of their circumstances always drove any thoughts of conversation from her mind.

Welded metal stretching ten feet high marked the perimeter of the grounds of McCorrigan Lodge, the last human outpost in this region. The snow was cleared away ten yards from the wall and then a trench six feet deep lay right inside the boundary. The top of the wall was guarded by razor wire and spikes made of any metal that had been scrounged together - iron or steel, sharpened to points and designed to stop anything larger than a squirrel.

Anything that got over that wall would fall into the trench and get shot in the head seconds after.

Kenzi pulled up next to the command post. The guard, one of the younger boys who Bo knew had a crush on Kenzi, tried to look hard and official. Bo gave him thirty seconds before he caved.

He lasted almost a minute, then waved the gatekeepers to let the Jeep through.

Once they passed the gates, Kenzi picked up speed. The back end of the Jeep fishtailed a moment in the snow before Kenzi got it under control. Bo glared at the harsh treatment - her elbow had been bashed into the door - but Kenzi's eager grin kept her from saying anything.

“I feel like I’ve been cooped up in that lodge all fucking winter,” Kenzi shouted.

Bo agreed. During the summer months, many of the lodge residents would camp outside in tents and there was more privacy, but winter’s cold had driven almost everyone inside. Even though everyone had a job to do, the commons and barracks were crowded.

As nervous as she felt beyond the perimeter, Bo was glad to be outside. She did, however, wonder where the hell they were going.

Bo leaned toward Kenzi. “How did you even find this place?” After three years, everything in the area should have been stripped.

Kenzi didn’t turn her head as she navigated the roads. The asphalt had held up well considering maintenance in the area was now non-existent.

“I was walking the back ridge on patrol. Saw a falcon and pulled out the binoculars. It flew right over what looks like an old hunting cabin. Nowhere near the main roads.”

That didn’t sound good at all.

“So how the hell are we going to get there?” If Kenzi planned to drag her on some bullshit hike, Bo would make her pay.

Kenzi's crafty grin made her look like a movie villain as she patted one of the puffy pockets of her coat. “I found one of the old logging maps.”

Bo shook her head, but had to smile.

The old highway weaved through the woods and Bo tried to relax her body into the seat and enjoy the ride. On this side of the ridge, some low clouds hadn’t burned off yet and lay like cotton across the snow-covered pines. For a moment, she thought she might forget the world had changed, and there was no such thing as vacations in the mountains anymore.

The smile faded. She’d never forget.

“What did the mute want?”

Bo frowned. “Don’t call her that.”

“Bobo, she never fucking says anything. It’s creepy.”

“Maybe she can’t.”

“I think she can but won’t.”

Bo had wondered the same, but had never asked.

"And she's always staring at you," Kenzi said.

Bo didn’t want to talk about Lauren, mostly because she felt the urge to defend her but couldn’t say why. Kenzi was her best friend, and in the years since they’d met, they’d been inseparable. There were things they’d experienced together she could never share with anyone else, and there were almost no secrets between them.

Lauren was different, and Bo didn’t know how to explain it, but she knew all the glances she'd shared with Lauren didn't bother her as much as they seemed to bother Kenzi.

Kenzi turned right onto an old logging side road, and potholes and branches tested the Jeep’s shock absorbers.

“You sure you know where you’re going?” Bo asked.

“Yes! Quit worrying!” When the road straightened out a bit, Kenzi reached forward and fumbled at the stereo with her gloved hands. Somebody had left an ancient compact disc in the player - how old was this thing? - and a classic rock song played. Kenzi shrieked with glee and cranked up the volume.

“That’s stupid,” Bo yelled, even though she liked the song.

“It’s hours until sundown, and it’s just a short run. One song on eleven won’t kill us.”

Another side road, and change in terrain. The road sloped up, winding its way through the trees, and the ditch to the side of the road turned into a ravine with an ever increasing drop. Through the trees, Bo could see they’d switched back against the old two-lane highway, and the wider valley stretched beyond.

The Jeep wobbled over another obstacle. Kenzi navigated with skill, but Bo's nerves twitched with unease as she looked at the road ahead.

A huge brown blur sped across the road in front of the Jeep. Kenzi slammed on the brakes, and Bo felt the Jeep skid before she was knocked against the door and the dash several times. Pain bloomed in her head while Kenzi screamed.

Darkness came with the pain.

 

-x-x-x-

 

Something moved, taking Bo with it and waking her up. Pounding through her head with every heartbeat, the song’s verse blended into a chorus she’d sung countless times in days gone by. Then she remembered those days were over.

Bo opened her eyes.

The Jeep lurched again, and Bo gasped at her situation. The vehicle was sliding slowly down a ravine that ended in jagged rocks below. Kenzi wasn’t in the Jeep, but Bo was held in place by her lap belt, though her door had been flung open. When she shifted her weight to loosen the belt, the vehicle slipped again. She wasn’t sure she’d survive that drop and hastened to undo the latch.

It hurt to move, but she freed herself from the belt and climbed out of the jeep, falling to the snow-frosted ground and scraping her knees through her clothes on the underbrush. The Jeep picked up speed, bashing into several trees before it slammed nose-first into the rocks below. Instead of stopping, the disc player continued, but now the song had been aborted, and half a line from the chorus played on a loop.

With a hiss, she tried to stand. She wanted to yell for Kenzi, but that would make a sound. She wasn’t supposed to make noise in the woods - that’s why it’d had been stupid to play the music. Sound would draw attention, and attention meant a bloody death.

She looked around, though it hurt her head and worsened the ringing in her ears, but didn’t see Kenzi.

Up the ravine she climbed, trying to test each step before putting weight on it, worried she’d roll an ankle or worse before she got to the top. Finally, she made it back to the road, but with gut-wrenching clarity, she realized the headache was no longer her biggest problem.

A splash of color on the far side of the road made her look in that direction, and tears blocked her vision before she blinked them away. A large doe lay unmoving in the snow. Nearby, Kenzi had been thrown from the Jeep in the collision, and was sprawled across a fallen pine.

Bo stumbled across the road.

Kenzi was unconscious, a branch thick as a thumb sticking through one thigh, and her blood spilled over her jeans and into the snow.

In seconds, Bo assessed the horror of the situation. They were stranded outside the perimeter. Their transportation was shot. The sound of the loud music would attract the bloodsuckers the minute the sun went down, and the scent of the doe’s blood would bring them here. Kenzi was wounded, but even if they ran…

Bo was too terrified to curse. She checked her watch, an old wind-up her grandfather had given her years before.

It was five hours until sundown. Once the sun set, the bloodsuckers would come, and when they smelled blood, nothing but a bullet to the skull would keep them from following the trail.

Down in the ravine, the song skipped, echoing across the valley.

 

-x-x-x-x-x-

**_More to come...and thanks for reading! ~VB_ **


	2. Part 2: The Long Shortcut

**_Author’s Note:_ ** _Thanks for your patience. Here’s the latest…but don’t hate me too much at the end. Let me know what you think here and on Twitter. Thanks for reading!~VB517_

 

 

Part 2: The Long Shortcut

 

After giving serious consideration to shooting Kenzi in the head and then eating a bullet herself, Bo remembered the map.

Kenzi had said she’d found a logging map and stashed it in her coat pocket. Kenzi was out cold, though she’d moaned a couple of times but Bo tried not to jar the pinned leg as she crawled closer. She propped herself on her knees and reached for Kenzi’s coat.

“Kenz?” Bo fumbled at the breast pocket of Kenzi’s thick coat. After two attempts, the worn-out folded map was free. Kenzi didn’t move.

No breeze stirred the paper, and Bo stretched her arms wide to get a look at the terrain.

The map didn’t make sense at first, but then she found the highway that led to the lodge and backtracked across the seam of the paper to follow what she remembered of their drive.

A quick glance at her watch revealed that they’d been away from the lodge less than an hour, but even with the winding logging roads, she figured they’d traveled about fifteen miles. No way in hell could they go back the way they’d come and make it to the highway by dark. Even if they did, all the patrols would have returned to the compound already. She and Kenzi would be stuck out in the open with no hope of rescue.

A wave of terrified nausea swept through her guts.

Peering again at the map, she realized the linear distance from where she figured they might be to the lodge was about two miles, but it was all forest and much of it sloped uphill.

The elevation gradations looked blurry no matter how much she blinked. She shook her head to clear it, then moaned against the new agony in her skull. All the details swam in her aching head - the isolation, the lack of supplies, Kenzi’s wound, the trashed Jeep, the hike uphill, the time constraints, the goddamned monsters.

They were fucked.

She shivered in panic before she remembered the rules. Rules that had saved her life and Kenzi’s more times than she could count on their long trek together across the country to get to the lodge.

Breathe. Assess. Prioritize. Take action.

She’d been in tighter situations than this, so it was time to choke down the terror and find a way to get moving.

Kenzi moaned for the third time, but didn’t wake. Her leg wasn’t pouring blood, but even a little was dangerous.

Bo took another deep breath, and the ringing in her ears lessened.

Assess, prioritize, take action. Rinse and repeat.

The first challenge was obvious. They couldn’t do anything until Kenzi was freed.

**X-X-X**

Four months after the monsters first appeared and changed the landscape of the world she’d known, Bo had been zigzagging her way from one tenuous haven to another. Those places were dwindling, and Bo gave in to the inevitable.

Trying to make it with a ragtag crew out on the open road would end with all of them dead. Back in the one place she’d never felt she belonged, her grandfather had built a defensible perimeter around the old family lodge. High in the Cascade range of central Oregon, his sanctuary protected the few humans left in the area, and though their numbers were small, they were sustainable. It was one of the few places she knew of that was safe from the monsters.

Though it was the last place she wanted to be, Bo decided it was time to go home.

**X-X-X**

“I’m sorry, Kenz,” Bo said. “I think I’m gonna have to roll you off of it.”

Kenzi paled - no small feat considering her porcelain complexion. She’d finally come to and instantly grasped the fuckery they faced. It had taken Bo several minutes to get her to stop apologizing.

“Uh, Bobo-“

“I don’t think you can just lift yourself off, and I can’t pick you up from that angle. If you lie back, I can push you off.” It was going to hurt like hell, but Bo didn’t see any other option. Trying to find a big enough stick laying around to leverage Kenzi off the protruding branch would make things more complicated yet perform the exact same task. “If we don’t, you’re stuck and we die here, or we take too long, and maybe die later. We’ve gotta do this.”

Tears streamed from Kenzi’s eyes, and Bo fought to hold back her own.

“Look, Bo. You could…you could leave me here and -“

“No.”

“Bo -“

“No, Kenzi. Same rules as always.” How many times had they had this conversation? “Either we both go, or we both stay.”

A sob wracked through Kenzi’s body as she closed her eyes. Her face contorted in pain, but then she took a few deep breaths and calmed herself.

“I want a vacation,” Kenzi said, wiping her face. “This apocalyptic shit sucks and there’s not one hot guy around to help.” After another shaky breath, she reached for Bo’s hand and squeezed. “I might bleed out.”

“Don’t think so. It looks bad, but if it had hit anything major, you’d be bleeding more heavily, I think.”

They would need to stanch the wound with something, Bo realized, and wondered if the Jeep had any first aid supplies. She might be able to climb down the ravine, but then she’d eat up time they didn’t have by traveling in the wrong direction, and might get hurt herself in the process.

Bo almost shook her head again, but stopped in time.

“I’ve got an idea.” She tugged off her gloves with her teeth, took off her jacket, and started stripping off the clothes underneath.

“Please explain to me how you getting naked in a crisis situation is going to help,” Kenzi said.

Bo managed a chuckle despite their circumstances. “I’m wearing thermals. My base layer might make a good bandage.” Now topless, she shivered in the cold air and clenched her teeth to keep them from chattering.

“I think you’ve always had the hots for me and now you’re making your move.”

Bo scrambled to get her clothes back on as the tips of her fingers stopped cooperating in the cold. “You’ve found me out.”

“Lesbians. Shit, I’m not even drunk.”

Kenzi leaned back with a shaky laugh and patted Bo’s arm to signal her readiness.

Bo pushed with all her strength and didn’t stop - not even when Kenzi screamed.

**X-X-X**

The first time she saw one of the monsters up close was on the same day she met Kenzi.

Bo had spent the better part of two unseasonably hot, humid days in late March navigating security checkpoints across every major highway. The authorities never revealed what it was they were searching for, but they checked every vehicle and asked everyone where they were coming from.

Though she’d driven out of Atlanta, Bo’s instincts screamed for her to lie, so she told the cops they’d come up from Tallahassee, Florida. They let her pass.

Her gut spoke again later that day and she navigated their customized tour bus off the main Alabama thoroughfares and onto the back roads. When the bus ran low on fuel, Bo pulled into a rundown gas station with an adjoining convenience market. Moments later, another car arrived - a man and woman in a tiny import coupe with New York plates.

Bo stood next to the diesel pump waiting for it to finish. The woman from the other car climbed out and walked toward Bo while the man opened the coupe’s tank, jacked in the gas nozzle and then headed for the market door.

In the bright light of morning on a remote rural road in the deep south, a person dressed for a nightclub stood out more than usual. The woman was rail thin and dressed head to toe in black. She wore platform boots and dark makeup under hair as black as her clothes, and waved a greeting at Bo.

“This shit is crazy, right?”

Strange conversation starter, Bo thought, but appropriate, all things considered.

“Yeah,” Bo said. “Where you headed?”

Kenzi kept one eye on Bo and the other on the market where her companion had disappeared.

“New York, but we’re just coming up from New Orleans. Went for Mardi Gras last month, stuck around for the after party.” She shrugged. “Until the after party abruptly ended last night when the police cleared all the streets.”

“NOLA on lockdown?”

“Not yet,” the woman said, and Bo exhaled. “But things were def weird when we left. You?”

“All over.” Bo wasn’t one to share details in the best of times. “Tried to get some news about what’s going on, but there are no details other than the checkpoints -“

“Well, whatever it is has them mobilizing the National Guard in Georgia already.”

Every warning light in Bo’s brain flared.

“I’m Kenzi.”

Bo introduced herself. They shook hands until a racing engine approached and they both turned to look. A local sheriff’s car, lights flashing but without sirens, flew down the two-lane highway at twice the speed limit.

Kenzi didn’t speak again until the sound of the engine had faded. “There’s a town about ten miles that way. Wonder what kind of action in a place that small needs that sort of attention.”

Bo wasn’t the least bit interested in finding out.

“Safe travels,” Bo said as she pulled the hose from the bus.

“You, too, sister.” Kenzi headed for the market.

Fifteen minutes later, the bus was restocked with what few essentials they could get out here in the sticks. Since New Orleans was out of the question, Bo considered their next possible destination. Everyone was back on the bus except for the drummer who had run back inside for some forgotten treat. Bo had already turned the bus around to face the highway and had a clear view of the road ahead.

She just didn’t understand what she saw.

Two people shambled down the middle of the highway toward the station. At first, she thought they were wearing some weird tie-dyed outfits, but as they got closer - much faster than normal human movement - the red pattern on their clothes turned to blood spatter.

The closer they got, the more details Bo noticed. Two men, one black and built like a wrestler and dressed like a mailman, one white or Latino and lean. It wasn’t just their clothes covered in blood. Their open, snarling mouths dripped with it. Blood covered their faces, their hands, even their hair was matted with it.

The door of the market had bells that jingled when it opened. The drummer and Kenzi’s companion walked out of the market and across the parking lot side by side, laughing together and oblivious to the new arrivals, who shifted toward the sound of the bells.

In seconds, the newcomers attacked.

With their teeth and hands, they rent the two men apart, deflecting every defensive attempt to stop them. They looked human, but moved and acted with a violence beyond the opposite of humanity.

Bo couldn’t move. Not even in horror films had she seen anything like it.

Kenzi’s scream from the market door snapped Bo out of her terrified stupor. One of the beasts - because no man who had eaten another man alive could still be considered human - stopped what it was doing and turned its focus toward the scream. It leapt over a dozen feet in a single bound towards Kenzi before two things happened at once.

A loud boom sounded and the beast’s head exploded.

The market proprietor, a middle-aged man with grey hair and an angry expression who now stood in front of Kenzi just outside the door, re-cocked a shotgun and aimed for the other… _thing_ that was still enjoying its meal. He took two steps towards the grisly spectacle and leveled the shotgun.

A second boom, a second explosion, and they all stared at the aftermath.

“Jesus Christ.” In the bus, one of the musicians behind Bo spoke for all of them. “What in the ever fuck is going on?”

**X-X-X**

Kenzi puked twice as Bo secured the bandage, but then they got her on her feet. The first few steps were more like hops for Kenzi, who cried out with every step. It took awhile to build a rhythm that didn’t have her screaming in pain, but they made it off the road and started uphill.

 _Slow going_ didn’t begin to describe their progress. Bo wondered if they’d move faster by crawling.

Each meter forward was a three step process. First, Bo tested the ground with one foot to make sure it was stable, and though most of the time it was, each time it wasn’t she over-corrected to make sure they didn’t fall flat on their faces. Kenzi bit back a moan whenever that happened.

Then, she’d shift her weight forward, pulling Kenzi alongside her and trying not to press too hard against Kenzi’s wound. Finally, Kenzi brought her good leg forward.

Bo shifted a foot forward to test the next step as Kenzi drew a deep breath to speak.

“You really think we can make it?”

“Yeah,” Bo said, and tried to sound convincing. “We’ve got over four hours before sunset. It’s gonna suck, but it’s not as bad as that time we got stuck outside of Laramie.”

Once, they’d gotten a flat tire on a supply run and had ended up racing the sunset out in the open. That time, they’d had only minutes to get to safety, but they’d made it.

Kenzi forced a laugh but it was more like a sob. “Can’t say this is the best way to spend a sunny day, but I only have myself to blame.” If it weren’t for the sniffling and tears, she might have sounded almost like her usual self.

Bo didn’t want her to feel any worse, and it was too late for blame. “Too crowded to stay indoors. Good idea to get outside.”

“It was fucking stupid, so let’s talk about anything else,” Kenzi said, and bit back another moan. “How - how about you tell me what’s going on with you and the mute.”

Bo frowned but didn’t have the breath to protest. She grunted as she helped Kenzi walk. “Nothing going on.”

“Liar.” Kenzi wiped her face with the back of a glove. “I see the way you look at her and she’s always gawking at you. What gives?”

With all the other challenges facing them, Bo didn’t have the will to lie. “I don’t know, Kenz."

“Bobo, you’ve got your pick of every unattached person in that lodge, male or female. You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

Bo was certain much of the attention had to do with the fact that she was a single, living, breathing, uncontaminated human. She could have been cross-eyed with horns and had the same appeal.

“That’s not -“

“It is. And it ain’t news.” Kenzi’s tone turned quiet. “I’d be careful around that one.”

Bo had never seen Lauren act unkindly toward anyone. Kenzi’s ever-present paranoia was unnecessary. “C’mon, Kenzi, she’s harmless. She won’t even carry a gun.”

“There’s something weird about her, and I don’t mean the way she doesn’t talk.” Kenzi gasped when Bo shifted her weight. “Don’t trust her.”

“What?”

Their next step prompted a moan from Kenzi that turned into an angry grunt.

“None of those people she came here with knew her before.” Everyone measured time by the same scale - before the world changed, and after. “The one guy who traveled with her the longest - the big guy with the locks? He says she showed up about a week before Thanksgiving. She was all by herself. Wouldn’t speak to anyone, freaked out if anyone touched her. Woke everyone up every night with her screams.”

Bo hadn’t heard about this. Though Kenzi probably intended for that information to make her steer clear, it only made Bo want to soothe Lauren’s pain, whatever that pain might be.

“And get this,” Kenzi said, her voice almost a whisper even though they were the only people in sight. “I heard Dyson talking to some of the guys who came in last summer from Arizona. One of them swears he saw her on CNN after the outbreak. Says she’s the spitting image of a scientist at the CDC, though her hair was blonde then.”

Could that be possible? Could Lauren - with the warm eyes, the soft manner, the thoughtful generosity - could she have something to do with the horror their world had become?

Bo didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Thankfully, she could now see the false summit of the crest a few hundred feet up the slope of the mountain. She pointed until Kenzi looked up with a sad sigh, and then kept them moving.

**X-X-X**

Had it been the blood mania alone, humanity might have stood a chance.

Somehow, the monsters were every horror movie trope combined. Contagion on contact. Superhuman strength and speed. The drive to kill. The craving for flesh and blood. Hope took root when the authorities and scientists figured out that no human variant could survive that long on an unnatural and unmentionable diet, and that quarantined subjects would die off after a week or two, but then a new development destroyed the world as everyone understood it.

Ultraviolet light exacerbated the effects. If the contaminated subject avoided UV light, somehow they could sustain themselves indefinitely.

And so some of the monsters, perhaps with a more developed survival instinct, learned to avoid the sun. And if the humans couldn’t find them to kill them, the contagion never died out. Their numbers swelled, and civilization was forced back. A fraction of the population was immune, but even if the contagion didn’t affect them, they still had to fight off the people who were infected.

The contagion jumped borders and swept the world.

In the face of Armageddon, Bo did what she could to survive. She guarded those under her protection, got them the weapons and supplies to keep them moving, and did whatever it took to keep her people alive. No distractions, no entanglements - she did the job and kept everyone at a distance except for Kenzi.

Even when they made it to the lodge, she kept to herself. Until the day a woman more guarded than herself arrived at the compound. A woman who helped without being asked but never spoke a word.

A woman who only had eyes for Bo, and Bo couldn’t look away.

**X-X-X**

The crunch and squeak of the snow seemed loud to Bo as she trudged uphill. The sunlight’s trajectory shifted the way it did every day, but to Bo, it seemed faster than usual. Luckily, the snow wasn’t as deep on this side of the mountain. She tried to step quietly, but her boots were heavy and she was tired, and Kenzi wasn’t light, no matter how skinny her best friend looked. She prayed to gods she didn’t believe in that the sound of their movement didn’t carry. So long as they kept from brushing low branches, their passage wouldn’t make much noise, but the blood was a bigger problem.

Bo didn’t say anything about that.

They’d passed some of the time swapping tales of all the harrowing situations they’d survived. The night in Salt Lake City where they’d been stuck under an overpass for the better part of a night, huddled without speaking in the dark, clutching their weapons until dawn. Or soon after the first time they’d met, when they’d been trapped in a diner for days while the world raged around them. Rough times - terrible times, but they’d survived. Bo assured Kenzi this time would be no different.

She almost believed it herself.

Kenzi hadn’t said anything in awhile, so the pain must be unbearable for mere mortals. Kenzi didn’t look like much - so thin she looked anorexic or malnourished - but she was strong and always put on a brave face. Normally, she talked constantly. Hell, two hours ago, she wouldn’t stop complaining despite the wound, though Bo was certain it had been Kenzi's attempt to shove her own fear down deep. Now, though, the talking had tapered off and she’d grown uncharacteristically quiet. A silent Kenzi wasn’t a good sign.

When they crested the ridge, Bo blinked back tears of defeat.

They were nowhere near the section of the perimeter that brushed the ridge, the one with the guarded entrance to the ridge path. She couldn’t even see it from here. They had to keep going - either sideways until they reached the gate entrance, or forward until they reached the wall. Either way gave them a chance at surviving this cockup. They still had over an hour before sundown.

“Any of this look familiar?” Bo asked.

Kenzi looked around, squinting in the dying light before shaking her head.

Bo hadn’t taken a turn at border patrol on the back ridge since the summer, so she didn’t recognize any of the terrain - and this part of the mountain path changed all the time. “Which way to the gate?”

“I - I don’t know,” Kenzi said. “Maybe that way?” She pointed to the left. “But I can’t be sure. I’m sorry, Bobo.”

“It’s okay,” Bo said, even though it wasn’t.

Guess they’d be going forward until they reached the wall.

“Alright, then.” She shifted her weight to get a better hold around Kenzi’s waist. “Let’s keep moving.”

“I can’t,” Kenzi said, crying. “I think you should -“

“No, Kenzi.” Bo couldn’t even consider it. Leaving Kenzi, even to try to find help, would be like leaving the best of herself behind. She’d never in her life had a friend like Kenzi, and couldn’t fathom a world without her in it.

“Ok, but…” Kenzi’s teeth chattered in the cold. “Promise me that if - if the shit hits the f - fan.” She clenched Bo’s hand so tightly, Bo winced at the pain. “One to the head, Bo. Don’t hesitate. Don’t leave me to those things.”

More times than they could count, they’d heard the screams of people eaten alive - a fate far worse than death.

“I won’t, Kenzi. I promise, but we’re gonna make it - Kenzi!”

Kenzi’s eyes rolled up in her head and she collapsed.

Bo did everything she could think of short of punching her wound to try to rouse her, but nothing worked. Maybe it was the cold, maybe it was the blood loss, but Kenzi was unconscious, and needed help as soon as possible if she was going to live.

Bo tried to ignore the drops of blood falling in the snow. She wanted to quit. Tired, cold, and hungry, she wanted to sit down for five minutes at the base of one of the pine trees to rest.

Resting - quitting - meant death. They either continued to walk, or they’d be dead by moonrise.

She bit back a soul-crushing, heartbreaking scream, then clenched her fists until the pain stopped her breath with a gasp.

This wasn’t the end. It was far too soon to eat a bullet. Bo had lost every other friend she had, and she wasn’t losing Kenzi if she could do anything about it.

It took three attempts, but Bo managed to get Kenzi across her shoulders in a fireman’s carry. She stashed one of her gloves in a pocket, pulled out her gun and stumbled toward the wall.

**X-X-X**

It might have seemed like forever ago, but only three years had passed since it all started. The news had hit while Bo was playing a gig with her band in Little Five Points. The local authorities had placed a growing area on lockdown because of a security breach at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

Even though the CDC was a few miles away from the tiny blues club where she was performing, Bo cut her set short and told her boys to start packing up their gear. She’d been a kid when the riots had hit Los Angeles back in ’92, but she still remembered the taste of that panic. The air smelled like it now, and she didn’t want to get stuck here.

She knew what being stuck felt like.

Within days, metropolitan Atlanta was under martial law. By then, Bo was hundreds of miles away.

**X-X-X**

_Three hundred eighty four, three hundred eight five, three hundred eighty six…_

Counting her steps kept her from screaming.

Bo rested one arm against Kenzi’s wounded leg, trying to keep it from moving too much, and every time she thought about resting, she considered the consequences. Every step sent another ache through her legs and shoulders, sometimes hard enough to make her gasp, but she didn’t stop. She shivered in the cold, the sweat along the small of her back stinging as it ran towards her waist under her clothes.

She couldn’t feel her feet anymore, but nevertheless she tested each step before shifting her weight forward. If she fell now, she might not be able to get back up. The shadows lengthened as the weak sun sank towards sunset, and Bo limited herself to checking her watch every hundred steps.

They were running out of time.

With no idea how quickly the monsters might come once the sun was down, she had to get them within shooting distance of the back gate. Once the perimeter watch saw them, they might have a chance. As long as nothing got to them before they got to the wall, which had to be less than half a mile from their current position.

She shifted her gloved hand against Kenzi’s leg, trying to stabilize it as she climbed over a fallen log. Kenzi moaned with the movement, but didn’t say anything. She must still be unconscious. Bo patted her hand against the leg, trying to reassure someone who was completely out of it, but maybe the reassurance wasn’t for Kenzi.

In Bo’s other hand, naked to the elements, she clenched her gun. With only seven bullets in the magazine, it wouldn’t be enough to save them once the sun went down, but Bo was terrified by another possibility. If she didn’t hear the monsters coming, she might not be able to save herself and Kenzi from the final horror of succumbing to a gruesome fate.

So every few steps she paused to listen, and tried not to breathe so hard that she couldn’t hear anything else.

Not that there was much to hear. Besides Bo, nothing moved in the stillness of the late afternoon woods. No birds, not even a squirrel - she and Kenzi were the only living things here on the back ridge. And if she didn’t keep moving, they wouldn’t be alive for much longer.

Who would miss her if she didn’t make it? Dyson, a former sheriff from a town nearby that didn’t exist anymore, would step in as lodge leader. Most of the time, he pressed his influence to counter hers. Since her grandfather had died the year before, the lodge was hers since she was his only heir, but it didn’t stop Dyson from trying to seize more control over the more important decisions. Hell, he’d probably be glad she was gone.

None of the others knew her as well as Kenzi did. Most of the locals had moved here in the time since she’d left, and the others had arrived after she had established her own leadership. All of them, even Kenzi sometimes, wanted something from her. Protection. Leadership. Guidance. Consolation. Lauren was the only one who didn’t seem to want anything at all. In fact, Lauren looked at her like she was offering something, if Bo could figure out how to take it.

She thought about what Kenzi had said earlier, but wondered if it mattered enough for her to keep her distance.

Then again, if Bo and Kenzi chose the final solution in the face of no other options, or if the worst came to pass and they fell to the monsters, Lauren might be the only one to truly mourn Bo’s death.

At least Bo hoped she would.

**X-X-X**

When Bo was a freshman in high school, her parents died in a late-night car accident. Her grandfather had been her one remaining relative. He’d adored Bo, and as her new legal guardian, insisted she move in with him. Bo left Los Angeles with its population of over four million for the small town of Sandy, Oregon.

At the time, Sandy’s population was fewer than five thousand people.

To say Bo hated it would be to underestimate the potency of her feelings. Bo detested everything about her high school life in Sandy, under the magnifying glass of small town opinions. Thanks to her grandfather’s position as mayor, every detail of Bo’s life was public knowledge and every step she took fuel for the gossip mills. Though she loved her grandfather, she made no secret of feeling stuck in a backwoods place like Sandy.

Within weeks of graduation, Bo returned to Los Angeles. She swore she would never go back to Sandy for longer than a holiday weekend. Back in California, a stint at UCLA didn’t stick, so she turned to acting, but grew frustrated with the networking game.

She fell in with a crowd of artists and musicians, and soon, honed her musical talent in small clubs in the valley. The band she’d put together built a following and then spent the next fifteen years touring every venue she could book. With the lead track on her new album on the verge of going viral, Bo was poised to take on the country and then the world.

Until the world changed.

**X-X-X**

The light changed from a watery yellow to the blue-grey of dusk as the sun passed beyond the mountains.

_Almost there. Almost there._

Her steps were shakier now, slower, but no less determined. She pictured what would be waiting at the lodge, visualizing safety as she plowed forward - the large fire in the hearth, warm tea or better yet whiskey in a cup. Kenzi safe and healing, cursing in discomfort but entertaining the whole lodge with tales of their survival.

If Bo could get them there. Now the place she’d once hated was the only place in the world she wanted to be. The lodge - and the woman who might be waiting for her in it - was her home. If she would keep moving.

Through the thick clump of trees in front of her, a dark pocket solidified and she cried in relief. The perimeter wall loomed ahead.

A few steps later the snow thinned out and she made it to a clearing. There wasn’t much light left to see, but either way she looked, what she _didn’t_ see brought back the despair.

They were nowhere near the gate, and no one manned the wall above them. She risked calling out, but didn’t hear a response.

If she fired a signal shot, she might get lucky enough that someone nearby would find her, but if she was wrong, the monsters would find her first now that the sun had gone down. They’d made it, but it didn’t matter.

Bo tried to lower Kenzi to the snow without dropping her but her arms gave out, and she sank to one knee as Kenzi rolled to a stop in the snow. Bo was out of time.

She was out of options.

And then she heard the telltale grunt of a beast in pursuit.

Bo whirled around and raised her gun in defense. In the wan light of dusk, a human-shaped creature snarled and growled as it loped toward her at an inhuman speed, leaping closer on all fours like a gruesome ape. Her heartbeat thundered through her chest and eardrums as she fought the fear, waiting for the bloodsucker to get closer so she didn’t miss, hoping her fingers weren’t too frozen to work. Only a shot to the head would stop it.

“Please.”

She spoke in a whisper as she prayed for a steady hand. Bo waited as long as she could - waited until the thing was so close she could see the black of blood in its teeth - and then squeezed the trigger.

The gunshot echoed across the quiet of the forest. The monster’s head snapped back first and then its whole body fell and was still. Bo’s breath steamed in front of her, panic driving her near to hyperventilation, but no heat emanated from the corpse. The inhumanity of that one foreign detail was shocking.

Her gun wobbled in her shaking hands, but she couldn’t steady it. She looked around wildly, searching for more, but saw nothing.

She looked at it - at _him_ sprawled not ten feet away from her. His clothes were a bloodied, tattered mess, somehow still attached to his frame even though they were years old. He was long and lean, but his face, frozen in final death and covered in layers of grime and blood, looked young.

Once, he’d been a teenager, but now he was another dead monster.

Far off in the woods, something howled, and Bo cried out in despair as she scurried closer to Kenzi’s unconscious body. They were close, but still too far from safety. And no one was coming to rescue them.

After everything they’d been through together, Bo and Kenzi were going to die on the back of this mountain inches from salvation. Kenzi was oblivious to the horror that would be her final moments.

Bo would die alone.

“I’m sorry, Kenzi.” Bo bit back a sob and kissed Kenzi’s cold forehead. “I couldn’t get us out of this one.”

She raised the gun to Kenzi’s head, as promised, and closed her eyes.

The monsters’ howls grew loud as they closed in, but the gunshot was louder.

 

**_TBC…_ **

 

 

 


	3. Recuperation

**Part 3: Recuperation**

 

The pain woke her. When blinking revealed nothing but more darkness, then came heart-pounding terror.

At first, Bo wondered if she’d gone blind, but she took a deep breath and the terror eased its grip. Old musty wool, varnish and wood smoke - the smell of safety in the lodge.

She was alive, out of danger, and home.

It was far too quiet to be one of the bunkrooms, packed as they were with single beds built four high into the walls. Even in the dead of night, she’d hear snoring and the soft cries of bad dreams.

Only the private rooms near the infirmary contained such silence.

Her head throbbed, pulsing with each heartbeat.

She sank into the pain and closed her eyes.

 

X - X - X

 

_Gunfire._

_The deep boom of shotguns and the cold pops of small arms. Too many shots to be from her gun alone, so Bo opened her eyes._

_Still unconscious, Kenzi hadn’t moved. With a small twinge of guilt, Bo moved the gun away from Kenzi’s head. Help was close now, here near the wall, and though things were still far too dangerous, they had a new chance at survival._

_She shivered, more from fright than the cold, when another shot exploded nearby. Shadows moved in the fading light, each one resolving itself into a new monster. Before she could raise her gun to aim, she heard more shots._

_None of the monsters got near her. The horror released Bo’s limbs and she wrapped herself around Kenzi, who didn’t stir despite the din._

_A snarling growl sounded to her left and she snapped her head in that direction in time to see a monster’s head explode a dozen feet away. Human shouts, the words unclear, called from her right but she didn’t dare look._

_Kenzi. Protect Kenzi._

_Bo squeezed tighter._

 

X - X - X

 

The next time she woke, her head hurt less, but when she tried to move every muscle in her arms, legs and back screamed. She gasped from the pain and rested her head again. The faint light of dawn slipped through the slats of the wooden blinds covering the window next to the double bed.

Or was it twilight? She heard the distant murmur of voices. Too many people in the common area of the lodge for it to be morning.

How long had she been here? Where was Kenzi?

Her body hurt too much. She reached for sleep and succeeded.

 

X - X - X

 

_Encroaching voices, shouting for both of them. Someone pulled Kenzi’s body away from her but she held on with desperation until she herself was lifted to her feet and assured of Kenzi’s safety. More gunshots. She flinched with each one. Too close, they meant another monster closed in.  Two people dragged - no, carried her for a time until she saw the gate. Bright light seared her vision, the giant search lights mounted near each compound entrance blinding her. Her head screamed in pain and the rest of her body hurt so much, she moaned._

_She shivered, feeling the temperature drop. The wind picked up and cut right through her wet clothes._

_Now Kenzi would get the care she needed. Yet more than Bo wanted Kenzi’s safe, more than she wanted refuge, she wanted what she hadn’t allowed herself all these weeks - the comfort and solace only one person was welcome to provide. She wondered how long it would take to find her. Lauren stayed close to the kitchens and the infirmary. She never joined the armed patrols, and never left the lodge._

_“Lauren,” she said, more a whisper than anything else. Surprised at the quaver in her own voice, she hoped no one heard her._

_An arm wrapped around her body squeezed her waist. The person on her right leaned closer. “Here, Bo.” The scratchy voice was little more than a croak._

_Though the effort sent a spike of pain through her skull, Bo turned toward that voice she’d never before heard. Inches from hers, Lauren’s face was taut with worry, and Bo blinked away tears. Lauren focused on carrying her through the gates and waved away help from another lodge dweller. The lights of the lodge grew brighter. Bo surrendered and lowered her head._

_They were inside the walls. Lauren was here beside her, and Kenzi was no longer in danger from the monsters._

_Relieved and safe, Bo stopped fighting the pull of darkness._

X - X - X

As she dozed, music called to her until she grew conscious of it. In the evenings, when people were done with chores but not tired enough for bed, they reached for guitars, handheld drums, fiddles - anything that pushed the darkness away. Though music in all its recorded forms had been salvaged, nothing warmed the lodge like live music. Bo didn’t join them often - singing felt wrong to her since the world had changed - but she loved music as deeply as always.

The strains of an old bluegrass standard echoed in the hall outside Bo’s room and she let it lull her back to sleep.

The next time she woke, the room was dark, but a few shadows flickered. Bo drew in a shallow breath and noticed three things right away.

The pain had lessened to a full-body ache, a level she could endure. Since her head didn’t hurt as much, the rich savory aroma of beef broth didn’t nauseate her. Someone had left a thermos of it on the nightstand. Things must have been dire if she’d been given beef broth since it was saved for the most severe of cases. Still, though these details were important, more pressing information held her attention.

Someone slept beside her.  The rise and fall of human breathing moved the bedcovers. Somehow, she knew it wasn’t Kenzi.

When Bo turned her head, a small candle on the headboard cast enough light for her to see. Lauren slept beside her, tucked under a spare blanket, but not under the rest of the bedcovers. Tendrils of tousled hair rested on her cheek and neck. Even in sleep, worry tensed her brow, and her hands were clenched in fists tucked under her chin. Curled into a fetal position, Lauren guarded herself against an attack.

Attack.

The accident. The painful stagger uphill. The monster she’d killed. The collapse near the wall. This time, Bo and Kenzi had come closer to death - a paper-thin distance - than they ever had before.

With a start, she remembered her pistol. How she’d held it to Kenzi’s head but not what happened to it after. Out of habit, she reached under her pillow - the place she put her pistol every night when she slept - and relaxed when her fingers met the cool grip of her Glock 19.

Someone had thought to put it where she could find it. She wondered if it had been the woman sleeping beside her.

Lauren whimpered and then quieted. The low candlelight reflected off tears that pooled and fell on her pillow. Bo reached out to soothe her, but then remembered Kenzi’s warning - the stories of Lauren screaming in her sleep - and pulled back before making contact.

All of them, every person in the lodge, had been through hell before finding this sanctuary. Lauren was probably no different, but the mystery of who this woman was and where she was from pulled at Bo. 

She remembered Lauren’s face as she helped carry Bo into the lodge.

Kenzi was wrong. Lauren was no danger to her. She was sure of it.

With a wince, Bo turned to lie on her side and burrowed deeper into the bedcovers. She watched Lauren sleep until she too closed her eyes.

 

X - X - X

 

“…It’s been over twenty-four hours. She has to have woken up by now.”

Dyson’s voice was muffled by the door, but Bo could tell he was pissed. She stretched her aching body, pleased when nothing hurt as much as her head, and even that was less painful than before.

She hadn’t had this much rest since…well, never.

Dyson spoke again, breaking the long silence. “Well, I need to talk to her.”

Bo waited for a response but heard nothing.

“I understand what concussion means, Lauren, and it doesn’t mean that she can’t talk to anyone.”

The one-sided conversation bothered Bo, but it took a few moments to pinpoint why.

“Fine,” Dyson said, though he didn’t sound fine. “How long until I can talk to her?”

She remembered what was odd.

Lauren had spoken to her while carrying her to the lodge. She wasn’t mute after all.

“A week! That’s ridiculous!”

His frustration brought a smile to Bo’s face. Few people who would stand up to him. Her estimation of Lauren gained a few points.

“I’ll be back tomorrow. If Bo’s going to be out of commission, we need to talk about what happens around here.”

That wiped the smile from Bo’s face. Of course he would use this as an opportunity to take more control around the lodge. With so many people and so many tasks that needed to be tracked, and rations that needed to be measured, and equipment and gear that needed to procured or repaired or replaced, someone was always looking for Bo’s guidance. 

This was the first time she’d been left alone for longer than a few hours in years.

She wondered why no one else had come to see her - and if Kenzi was even capable of checking in on anyone.

The sound of heavy booted steps rumbled through the floor. After Dyson was gone, the door opened and Lauren stepped inside.

Bo stared. Lauren shut the door and offered a small smile in greeting as she stared back.

“Hi,” Bo said.

Lauren smile turned shy, and she waved.

Bo crooked an eyebrow. “I, uh…” She licked her lips. “I don’t think that’s gonna cut it anymore.”

The smile faded, and Lauren sat in the old wooden chair next to the door. It took a moment for her eyes to meet Bo’s.

Bo didn’t want this to become a battle of wills, and smiled a bit to ease the pressure. She tilted her head a bit, until Lauren relented.

“Hi.” Lauren’s voice was faint, barely more than a whisper.

“Hi,” Bo said again.

So many questions. Why didn’t Lauren talk? Where had she come from? But most importantly…

“Kenzi?”

“The wound is clean, and I stitched what I could, but there’ll be a significant scarring.” Lauren cleared her throat, but her voice sounded scratchier.  “I’m giving her a course of leftover antibiotics though I’m not sure about their potency, but she’s taking fluids well and has eaten a little. I need to keep an eye on her, and I’m usually conservative about prognosis, but…I think she’ll be fine, though she’ll have to stay off the leg for awhile.”

The news that Kenzi was alive and would heal soothed some of her anxiety. She focused on the messenger.

Though it hurt to keep her eyes open, Bo couldn’t help but watch Lauren’s lips form every word spoken. After weeks of watching Lauren around the lodge but never hearing her speak a word, this was an odd gift. The intelligence in her language, the compelling contralto voice rough from lack of use, the hesitation in her manner - Bo fought to stay awake.

Though Lauren spoke slowly and with some detachment, she couldn’t hide the clear want in her eyes as she looked at Bo. Finally, though, she sighed.

“You really should rest, Bo.”

The headache had worsened and the light hurt her eyes. Resting sounded like the best thing in the world.

“I want to talk later,” Bo said as she stretched out, shifting to avoid the worst of the muscle pain.

Lauren came closer and helped with the blankets. “Okay. We can talk later.”

Bo didn’t have the strength to fight her.

As Bo fell back to sleep, cool fingers shifted her hair from her face, and brushed against her cheek.

 

X - X - X

 

Late afternoon sun slipped through the crafted wood blinds and woke Bo. This time, the light hurt less.

She sat up and took stock. Though she was alone, signs around the room pointed to other recent visitors. The thermos at her bedside had vegetable broth this time, which meant she was getting better. She drank all of it, though it wasn’t as appealing.

On the chair by the door, someone had left a clean towel and a change of clothes. The sight of them reminded Bo that she needed a shower. Private rooms meant private bathrooms. Bo didn’t use them often because she tried to set an example for the other lodgers, but she doubted anyone could fault her for taking advantage this time.

Simply designed, the bathrooms were functional if not fancy. Above a small sink with separate hot and cold water spigots, a two-foot wide mirror reflected her pale and bruised face. On the other side of a basic porcelain toilet, a thick shower curtain hid the small fiberglass stall. Thumb-thick wooden dowels poked out of the nearby spruce paneled walls.

When Bo tested the temperature of the shower water, she moaned in welcome when it was so hot she had to turn it down. She stripped, eager at the prospect of getting clean, and tossed her clothes into a nearby corner.

Naked under the spray, Bo closed her eyes as the hot water eased the aches in her muscles, washed the fear and sweat from her body, and rinsed the blood from her hair. She must have hit her head on something in the Jeep during the accident. The knot on the side of her head it didn’t hurt when she pressed against it.

A bar of soap rested on a tiny ledge in the stall, but not shampoo. She leaned out of the shower to see if she’d missed some on the shelf above the sink.

A blast of cooler air was her only warning.

“Bo, I brought you a comb,” Lauren said as she opened the door.

Lauren froze. Swirling steam escaped through the open door while she stared.

Half out of the shower, Bo stared back. She wasn’t a modest person, but if she had been, the look on Lauren’s face would be enough to make her reconsider.

Lauren’s gaze held pure, untempered want - the kind most people tried to hide. She clenched a hand into a fist and her chest rose and fell with rapid breath. She looked like she was holding herself back.

Several thoughts crossed Bo’s mind in half a minute.

She could close the curtain and resume her shower. If she did, Lauren would probably leave without a word. Bo bet that a new awkward distance would arise between them, and she didn’t want that. Everything she’d thought about Lauren while she’d carried Kenzi upslope came rushing into her head at once.  About the way Lauren looked at her.  About Lauren offering something if only Bo had the courage to take it.

Courageous now, she wanted Lauren to know her, and she wanted to know all about Lauren.

She wanted more than that.

Bo gazed back, pushing the curtain wide in open invitation as she stepped back into the spray.

Lauren closed the door behind her without looking away, and tossed the comb into the sink.

The shower was three steps from the door, but it felt to Bo like forever before Lauren closed the distance between them. When Lauren reached for her, though, common sense interrupted.

“Your clothes,” Bo said.

Lauren’s expression communicated that she didn’t care.

“No, it’s too cold for wet clothes.” Bo brushed her wet hair back, and lowered her voice. “Take them off.”

 With a nod, Lauren stepped back. She closed the curtain but Bo heard the jingle of an unhinged belt, so Lauren wasn’t running away. Bo closed her eyes and leaned her face into the spray.

Bo hissed when Lauren’s cold skin made contact with her own, then gasped when Lauren’s hands gently clasped her waist. She turned around, expecting to see her own desire reflected on Lauren’s face as it had been before, but instead, Lauren looked concerned.

Lauren raised a hand to Bo’s temple, touching it with the barest of pressure, and raised an eyebrow in question.

“I’m fine,” Bo said, and took Lauren’s jaw in her hand. And she was. The headache had receded to a mild tightness, and the light didn’t hurt anymore. “Stop treating me like I’m made of glass.”

Now that Lauren was here, pressed against her, she was impatient to get what she’d finally decided she wanted. She’d waited long enough.

Bo leaned forward and kissed Lauren, her own shoulders sagging in relief when she made contact at last. The muscles in her thighs tightened in anticipation as the ache between them swelled.

Lauren’s kiss was gentle - too much so - and then she pulled away with worry clouding her face.

Her hesitation stirred Bo’s frustration. Bo grabbed Lauren at the waist and pulled her closer. When she swiped her tongue across Lauren’s lower lip and then bit down to get Lauren’s attention, she felt the reaction in her palms where her hands pressed against Lauren’s tight abdominal muscles.

She kissed her way along Lauren’s jaw until she reached her ear. “And stop acting like this is the only time you’ll get to touch me.”

It took a handful of heartbeats for Lauren to act, but when she did, Bo moaned in relief.

Bo’s kiss became Lauren’s, and she took what she wanted. Strong hands pulled Bo tighter. Lauren’s skin warmed under the spray, and the way she moved aroused Bo more than the kiss that made her forget everything outside the stall. All she wanted was now, was this, Lauren’s hands and lips on her, taking her, making her into someone new, owning her.

When her back hit the cold wall of the shower stall, she flinched, but then Lauren lifted one of her legs and wrapped it around her own waist. Then Bo hit her head against the wall for a different reason when Lauren found her way right where Bo wanted her.

“More,” Bo said, and Lauren delivered.

Bo bit back a moan and closed her eyes. Lauren’s kiss on her skin, her tongue and teeth at her breast, her fingers deep inside - not rough, but not gentle either - it was all exactly what she wanted, what she’d needed. 

Lauren thrust her fingers in a steady rhythm, deep and constant, slowing down the closer Bo came to orgasm until finally, she stopped, curling her fingers in a delicious pressure that catapulted Bo into orgasm. Contractions seized her, heat washed over Bo’s body, the sting of the water delicious where it touched any surface Lauren wasn’t pressed against as her orgasm stretched long, sating her in a way she hadn’t felt in a very long time.

She opened her eyes, watched Lauren’s gaze turn powerful as she thrust again, each time rewarded with a new contraction that made Bo gasp until she was spent and they both fell still. Lauren let her ease her leg down, but kept her hand against Bo’s aching flesh, reluctant to leave.

Bo tried to catch her breath. “Wow.”

Lauren’s satisfied sigh made Bo’s heart swell.

 

X - X - X

 

After Lauren checked Bo’s vitals to make sure she hadn’t made Bo’s condition worse, after Bo swatted her hands away and dragged her to the bed to satisfy some urges of her own, after Lauren had peaked without a sound at Bo’s persistent stroking though Bo wished she’d screamed her pleasure, after all that, _after,_ the silence changed from ecstatic to comfortable to heavy. The space of things unspoken expanded to fill the dark room.

In the low light, Lauren looked sad, afraid, awaiting judgment. Bo hated it. Now that Lauren had touched her, filled her, seen into her and given Bo something of her self back, she wanted to do the same.

“You can tell me,” Bo said. “Whatever it is.”

She reached out to stroke strands of hair from Lauren’s temple to behind her ears, but Lauren curled onto her side, her back to Bo.

She spoke in a whisper, but Bo heard every word.

“I don’t know what you’ve heard but it’s probably true.” Lauren’s shoulders shook with a sob. “It’s all my fault.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_**TBC...As always, hit me up on Twitter (at virginiablk517) with your feedback.** _


	4. What Does Or Doesn't Matter

**Part 4: What Does Or Doesn’t Matter**

 

The anguish emanating from Lauren passed through Bo in uneasy waves. Lauren’s rejection hurt after their earlier intimacy, an ache that hinted at how quickly her feelings for Lauren had deepened. She didn’t want to give it a name, but she recognized the sentiment and wondered if it would make things better or worse to care so much so soon.

Lauren shivered as she sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. When Bo wrapped one of the blankets around her shoulders, Lauren froze as if expecting a blow, so Bo put the distance back between them. A few feet felt like a mile, but maybe it would give Lauren the room she needed to talk.

“I’m originally from…“ Lauren frowned as she paused, quiet with whatever thoughts come to mind.

The silence stretched on, but there was no turning back now. It was time for Lauren to tell her story. Bo waited her out, not saying anything, until finally, in a small, distant voice not much more than a hoarse whisper, Lauren continued.

“It doesn’t matter where I’m from. That’s all gone now. What matters is what I’ve done.” Silent tears tracked down her cheeks, but her voice didn’t change. “Where it all started.”

Everyone knew where it started. The outbreak in Atlanta three years ago, where Bo had been herself before she’d quickly left town.

Lauren interrupted Bo’s memories. “The CDC had issued an unprecedented request for additional researchers.”

At the mention of the CDC, every muscle in Bo’s body fired though she didn’t so much as cringe. She listened to Lauren’s voice, but wasn’t prepared to hear any more of what Lauren had to say. This would be worse than she’d thought.

Lauren sniffled. “I’d spent the better part of the previous year on the lecture circuit, but some of my work on rhizome repellents caught their attention, so I received an invitation to a classified project. Very classified. That should have been my first clue - they didn’t just ask me to sign their non-disclosure agreement. They threatened me with prosecution and mandatory prison time if I revealed any details to anyone outside of the research team, even other CDC contractors.”

The blanket slipped from one shoulder, but Lauren didn’t seem to notice.

“My access paperwork took forever to come through. I was allowed in some of the labs, but couldn’t actually participate in the project yet - not until the access had been officially validated and approved. I spent much of my time sorting supplies, waiting until I could do some real work, but I showed up day after day, hoping I’d get to be useful, even though she - she -“ Her voice broke, but she swallowed and kept going. “She said I was wasting my time.”

Her eyes clouded with tears that wouldn’t stop coming. “She was in the laboratory wing that day. Some sort of PR assignment, taking pictures of some of the directors.”

Bo wondered who _she_ was, but couldn’t speak.

“First, there was a facility lockdown blocking any outside visitors. Then a request came in for some of our dedicated security staff - they were needed in another lab. Then the alarms started.” Lauren rocked back and forth now, eyes focused on the past. “I was worried Nadia would be stuck in some isolation room with some of the other non-project personnel, so I went to find her.”

Lauren had been inside the CDC the day the outbreak had happened. Bo couldn’t move, waiting for Lauren’s next words.

“There were only three of the - the people, the one’s who’d…changed….but they - they…“

Bo knew how unstoppable the monsters could be, and what must have happened.

“Security was about to lockdown the wing, but I knew we’d be trapped inside. I was unarmed, and the guards were overrun. I saw the door, and the soldier guarding it was just a kid, and I - I told him that we’d all be ripped apart if he didn’t let me open it. He was so scared, he moved for just a moment, and I…“

Lauren wiped the tears from her cheek and bit back a sob, swallowing the anguish that accompanied her story.

“I got through, and - and held on to her hand, even though the guards threatened to shoot me. But then they were shooting behind me, and the screams - “

The screams of people being eaten alive. Bo trembled, the visceral response to her own experience with that sound.

“One of them scratched at her ankle, but then a soldier shot him - it - in the face and it - it let go, but that scratch was enough to…” Lauren sniffled. “An hour later, Nadia was one of them. The same soldier shot her in the head, trying to stop the spread of the contagion, but…”

Though nothing in the room had changed, the cold womb of darkness made Lauren’s tale that much more horrific, as if the monsters lurked in the unseen corners, waiting to pounce and tear them apart.

Lauren’s voice was barely a whisper. “But it was too late.”

Finally, she looked at Bo with bloodshot eyes, horror and shame shimmering behind the gloss of her endless tears. “I’m the reason they got out of the lab. I let them out, Bo. You see? It’s _all my fault.”_ The sobs shook her again, relentless until she fell over on her side with the force of them.

Bo’s muscles wouldn’t work. She sat frozen on the bed, staring at Lauren’s collapse, at the torment ripping through Lauren’s body, but she couldn’t reach out a hand to soothe her.

All of this. All of the madness, the death, horror and hopelessness, all of it could have been stopped with a locked door, but one woman had released it on the world.

Lauren cried herself to sleep.

Bo watched her, and couldn’t close her eyes.

 

X — X — X

 

The next morning, the creak of the door woke Bo with a start and she bolted upright before she realized she was safe. The other side of the bed was empty, the covers neatly arranged beside her like no one had been there.

“Yo, sunshine.” Kenzi shifted the door open with her crutches, and then hopped a dance to the nearby chair and closed the door. “I smuggled you some of the crap that passes for coffee in the kitchen.” A thermos hung from one of her thumbs by its handle. “Couldn’t sneak you any food, though. You’re on your own.”

After Kenzi got herself situated, she tossed the thermos in Bo’s direction. Bo made no move to catch it and the thermos landed near her on the bed.

“How’s your head?” Kenzi asked.

It took Bo a full minute to fight through the jumble of information in her head before she could answer.

“Uh, better, I guess.” She sat up, propping herself against the pillows and the headboard, and looked for any lingering sign of Kenzi’s condition. “How’s the leg?”

Kenzi scoffed. “Hurts like a motherfucker, but I’m dealing. Anyway, I guess I need to give the mute -“ She paused and watched her own hands worry a loose string on her sweats. “I mean, Lauren. I need to give Lauren some credit.”

Shocked, Bo stared, until she remembered that Kenzi didn’t know the truth, and not just about Lauren’s voice. All things considered, Lauren’s deliberate lack of speech paled in comparison to what else she was hiding.

Bo swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to focus. “You mean the wound?” Her voice sounded strange in her own ears. Was this what madness sounded like? She thought she might go insane keeping all the new information inside her, but if she told Kenzi, the entire lodge would know by lunch.

“Yeah, that too, but…” The string came loose, so Kenzi dug at the seam. “She’s the one who noticed we weren’t back yet and went looking for Dyson. When he wouldn’t send a crew out, she insisted that he check all the gates - even the one on the ridge. They were headed to the back gate when they heard a shot and came running.” Kenzi finally raised her head to look in Bo’s eyes. “If it weren’t for her, I guess we’d both be dead. I hear she made sure they got to us just in the nick of time.”

Kenzi’s eyes held a question on the edge of accusation. Had Bo failed to keep her promise?

Bo sighed. “That doesn’t begin to describe it, Kenz. I was a finger twitch away from keeping my word.” She would have, if things hadn’t turned out the way they did.

Kenzi nodded, her faith in Bo restored, but Bo didn’t share her relief. And now she had another thing to consider in the midst of all the other information fighting for processing time in her still recovering head.

Lauren had saved their lives.

 

X — X — X

 

After Kenzi left, thumping away on crutches while bitching about having to use them at all, Bo stared at the door. Echoes from commotion in the lodge pressed in on her. The urge to be on the other side of it overcame her and she leapt from the bed.

Once again, a neat pile of clothes and a towel waited for her, this time on the edge of Lauren’s side of the bed. Bo had slept so soundly, she hadn’t felt or heard Lauren leave the room. Then again, that might have been Lauren’s intention, since she’d disappeared without a word.

A shower sounded great, but what if Lauren walked in again? She didn’t want to be naked in front of Lauren right now - even though parts of her body were still sore from their lovemaking. This new knowledge of Lauren’s past warred with the euphoria of what Bo had shared with her.

Irritated and confused, Bo dressed quickly and stashed her gun in the back of her pants.

The moment she stepped into the commons, every eye was on her. A couple of days healing in bed had distracted her from her normal duties and the low grade anxiety from constant observation. Several people called out in welcome, but their kind words couldn’t keep the mantle of responsibility from descending across her shoulders.Bo didn’t regret being in a position of leadership, but she realized how much extra weight she carried around as a result. 

The largest room in the lodge was decorated in a classic mountain motif, all hardwoods and woven natural fabrics. Dining tables were arranged at the far side near the entry to the kitchen, and mismatched couches and chairs filled the sunken common area in front of a huge fireplace. A roaring fire, its base six feet wide, completed the picture.

Bo stiffened her back, ignoring the ache of overtaxed and still healing muscles.

Across the great room full of people, Lauren stood with a small group of one of the day crews, her back to Bo. She discovered that Lauren hadn’t disappeared so much as she’d put a lodge of distance between them. At the sound of Bo’s entry, Lauren turned around.

The expression on her face - a combination of remorse, anguish and sheer naked want that anyone in the room could probably decipher - made Bo blush. She looked away, uncomfortable with such attention while everyone else looked on.

Halfway between them, a black man in his thirties with short hair and a neatly trimmed beard stood and stepped away from one of the dining tables. Hale made a beeline across the room and greeted Bo with a low voice. “Hey, Bo. Got a sec?”

“Sure.” Bo followed him to the corner of the room that used to be the reservation desk. She turned her back to Lauren’s position, trying to get away from the need she could feel even at this distance. She needed some time to process before falling into the quagmire of their next conversation.

A large podium that used to hold the registry stood mostly unused and covered with dust next to a short counter area. Hale lifted himself onto the counter and rested his elbows on his knees with a sigh.

“Glad to see you healed up, boss.” Hale’s trademark wry grin looked tired and forced today.

Bo could pretend right along with him that it hadn’t been a close call for both her and Kenzi. “Anything to catch a day of sleep, right?” If she gave in to the truth, she’d scream until she couldn’t make sound.

“Yeah, that’s you. Total slacker.” The grin faded. “Listen. I’ve got a bit of a situation that needs your delicate touch.”

She cracked an eyebrow at him. Bo was a lot of things, but delicate was nowhere near that list.

“Okay, okay.” He conceded the point with a wave. “Listen, that new group we’ve been talking to wants to meet with us today. Message came in while you and Kenzi were out on your little adventure.”

Bo swallowed against the discomfort of the reminder. _Little adventure_ didn’t begin to cover what she’d been through.

“I’m sorry, Bo. I know you’re just getting back on your feet, but we need you on this one. These guys have some skills that we’re really lacking around here, so I want to treat them with velvet gloves. Dyson’s great at strategy, but my boy ain’t so hot on tact.”

Bo frowned but didn’t disagree. For weeks, it’d been Bo who had communicated with this particular group of travelers, trying to convince them that the lodge held sanctuary and not forced labor, imprisonment or worse. There were a lot of places across the country that offered safety, but at a steep price. Dyson was a sledgehammer when sometimes a pair of needle-nose pliers would get the job done. He couldn’t help his cop training, and would no doubt get things off on the wrong foot if he was the lead negotiator.

She nodded. “Where’s the meet?”

Hale shared the details and then headed off to make arrangements for the trip.

When she turned around, she found several lodgers waiting. She steeled herself, remembering her duty to present a strong, capable hand. For the first time in a long time, as much as she wanted the role, her duty felt like a chore.

These people, her people - each of them wanted to speak with her, to tell her how happy they were to see her. They asked how she was healing, and told her how glad they were that she was safe, but in each of them, she sensed a need for reassurance. They counted on her to lead them, and her close call had upset their tenuous sense of balance. A few offered to take on some of her usual tasks, and wouldn’t take no for an answer, but their trepidation and servile attentiveness made her twitch.

For a few days, she’d had a respite from this constant obligation to everyone. To have it all descend on her at once jarred her.

Through it all, she felt a pull to Lauren, but resisted.

A short time later, she sighed as she donned her boots and coat, stashed in their usual places. Lauren must have done that. One of a list of things she’d done to make sure Bo was alright. Regardless of what she’d told Bo, didn’t she deserve some gratitude for how much she’d helped?

Hale called out as he walked out front and Bo signaled that she was on her way. Now that the crowd had thinned, she felt less on display and didn’t want to leave without acknowledging Lauren. This last trip with Kenzi made it clear to her that she should take every opportunity to connect with people who mattered, even if it was difficult. And Lauren mattered.

At the main lodge doors, Bo turned to look back one last time, to at least signal that she’d be back to talk, but Lauren didn’t look her way.

Lauren stared at her own feet as she left the commons and headed for the infirmary.

 

X — X — X

 

When the perimeter gate came into view, Bo felt cold sweat and goosebumps across her whole body. In the front passenger seat of a monstrous tactically modified Mercedes Benz cargo van, she squeezed the door handle and took deep breaths in an attempt to lower her skyrocketing heart rate.

Leaving the lodge had been stupid, but now it was too late. As they pulled away from the perimeter, Bo moved her gun to her coat’s side pocket and touched it like a talisman.

Pale late morning sunlight danced through the snow-laden evergreens, but Bo watched the shadows for any movement that might warn of a threat. Hale drove confidently along the two-lane highway, trading stories with the three other people he’d brought along. He tried to engage her in the conversation, but her one word answers must have given him a clue and he quit trying.

Twice, they stopped to clear fallen trees from the highway. Such maintenance was one of the reasons the van was so heavily outfitted. Since civil transportation work crews no longer existed, they had to do that work themselves. Neither stop took long, but Bo was conscious of every moment of daylight slipping away.

They passed through the remains of a small town east of Mt. Hood, not much more than a village built around a four-way stop with a non-functioning street signal. Half the buildings were burnt out, the others boarded up or stripped.All of them were empty. No one lived in places like this anymore. People had either died here or left within the first six months. Any bloodstains had long since been washed away, but she had seen so many places like this, she knew that not everyone had escaped the monsters.

Was it really all Lauren’s fault?The destruction, the isolation and desperation and fear - all because someone couldn’t leave a door shut?

How could one person be responsible for something so catastrophically enormous?

She spent most of the trip trying to get her head around it before she remembered she should have a plan for the upcoming negotiations. In this dark new world, such deliberations were common. A small group approached a larger sanctuary, looking for security and supplies. The larger sanctuary needed additional skillsets to strengthen the greater good. If both sides were honest with good intentions, a mutually beneficial agreement could be negotiated.

There were, however, bands of criminals who wanted to scavenge from a larger compound to get access to a serious haul. And some of the larger sanctuaries exacted a high price for membership - slavery, sexual subservience, complete subjugation to a nefarious authority.

It took longer than it should have to appease the new group. Whatever they’d encountered on their journey to this part of the country had made them overly cautious, and Bo’s patience was tested to its limit before their leader, Gene, finally agreed to her terms. She’d bring two of his people back to the lodge. They’d be allowed access to everything except the food and weapons stores, and could talk to any of the lodgers about the accommodations. If the emissaries were satisfied, the larger group would join the lodge.

Still, the accomplishment of bringing more people into the fold straightened her shoulders. Hell, finding a professional plumber was a goddamned treasure trove. Nothing sank morale like backed up toilets.

On the way back, she thought more about Lauren, about how she’d saved Bo’s life and Kenzi’s.

Did the fact that Lauren had alerted the watch mean that Bo owed her silence?

Once again, she stared at the shattered world through the van’s windows. Abandoned houses, burned out businesses, bodies long dead and scavenged to the bone strewn across lawns and streets and highways. The collapse of western civilization.Wasn’t it all too much to be the fault of one person?

How could Lauren have released all this on the world? Did she think the soldiers would stop them? What kind of doctor didn’t understand the stakes?

Then she pictured herself in the same situation, with someone she loved on the verge of being eaten alive before her eyes. When her imagination served up the image of Kenzi in a room full of monsters. Bo suddenly understood all too well why Lauren had made such an impossible choice.

 

X — X — X

 

On the drive back to the lodge, Bo considered whether or not she could let Lauren stay. If word got out about what Lauren had done, human nature would drive someone to seek retribution. No one would blame them, but it would no doubt throw the entire lodge into chaos.

Then again, who was going to tell them? Not Bo - she couldn’t imagine telling that story to anyone - not even Kenzi. She doubted Lauren would tell anyone else, unless she had a death wish.

And that look Lauren had given her this morning, the one that stripped her bare from across the room, what did it mean?

In the end, it came down to Bo’s need to ask Lauren some hard questions. Bo couldn’t keep her distance, not after what they’d shared.

When they arrived, she left the newcomers with Hale and headed inside. The kitchen crew welcomed her as she walked into the lodge, and a few of the other lodgers loitered in the common room, but most people had jobs to do in the afternoons.

“Hey, Bobo! How’d it go with the noobs?” Kenzi sat on an old worn out couch in front of the fireplace, her leg resting high on a stack of cushions.

“Fine,” Bo said.“You ok?” She searched the room and what she could see of the halls and kitchen, but Lauren wasn’t there.

“Meh. It hurts, but I’ve had worse.” Kenzi wiggled in place but then settled. “Who you looking for?”

Bo sighed and sat on the couch by Kenzi’s feet. “Have you seen Lauren?”

Kenzi squinted before answering. “What happened between you two?”

Bo’s lack of response was answer enough.

“Seriously, Bo? You couldn’t pick someone less - I don’t know - fraught with fucking weird?”

“That’s not fair.” Then again, considering what she now knew about Lauren, maybe it was.

Kenzi shrugged. “Well, I haven’t seen her since she took off this morning.”

“Took off? When?” Had she joined one of the grounds crews today? Several crews worked odd maintenance jobs inside the perimeter. Despite winter’s chill, plenty of work sent people outside - clearing debris from the trench or fetching firewood among other things. “Which crew?”

“Hey, ease up on the Spanish Inquisition.”

Bo took a deep breath, though it did nothing to calm her. “Sorry, Kenz. I just…“

No words came to mind to describe how she felt. She only knew that she needed to find Lauren.

“Yeah, well, I can smell that something else is going on. Reeks of bullshit.” She lowered her voice and frowned. “What’s her story anyway?”

Bo had no plans to share any part of Lauren’s story. “When did she leave?”

The way Kenzi looked at her made her feel like everything was written on her face. She tried not to squirm.

“Soon after you did. One of the waste crews had an out and back scheduled to the old reclamation center near Gresham.”

Bo tried not to let the shock show on her face. Lauren never volunteered for any of the details outside the perimeter.

Kenzi kept talking, oblivious to Bo’s turmoil. “She hitched a ride after she checked on my bandages, though she did make sure I can take care of them myself. Which is awesome, by the way, because I’m sick of dropping trou for her and -”

“Are they back?”

Kenzi scoffed. “What’s your deal?”

“Kenzi, please -“ Bo got a hold of herself, but if what her gut was telling her was the truth…

Kenzi leaned back against the couch cushions in evident disapproval. “They came backabout an hour ago, but I didn’t see her with them. Maybe she’s back in her lair.” She nodded in the direction of the small infirmary in the back of the lodge.

Bo patted Kenzi’s good leg in thanks and rose with an absent promise to check on Kenzi later.

The infirmary was neat and organized as always, with a couple of pieces of paper the only items on the desk. Lauren had crashed here since the third or fourth day of her arrival, after yet another night when the screams of her nightmares had woken up some of the other lodgers.

One of the papers listed items that needed to be restocked. The other detailed current treatments for all the people under Lauren’s care, including Kenzi. The cot against the wall was completely stripped. Lauren’s bag was nowhere to be seen, and neither were her few clothes and personal items.

Bo caught up with the waste crew to make sure, but it was a formality.

“She gave me a note saying she was going to grab a ride north.” A bear of a man, Bruce had a thick bushy beard but kept his head clean-shaven even in winter. He was soft-spoken and kind to a fault - and wouldn’t have dragged Lauren back to the lodge against her will. “I tried to get her to reconsider, because those guys in Kent are insane if you ask me, but she couldn’t be swayed.”

The decision had been made in Bo’s absence. Lauren had left McCorrigan Lodge and wasn’t coming back.

 

X — X — X

 

In the sleepless dark that night, the questions simplified and the answers became binary. Did she want to let Lauren go or didn’t she?

While tossing and turning her still aching body in an old down sleeping bag, Bo listened to the deep rumbles of snores from sleeping lodgers in the main bunkroom. Lauren had solved one problem by leaving - Bo didn’t have to make any decisions about what to do with the information she’d been given. Yet, it wasn’t a matter of whether or not she’d tell anyone. Could she live with the knowledge of what Lauren had done?

Then she tried to separate that knowledge from the woman she’d come to know. The kind and generous woman who had saved her life, nursed her back to health, offered her solace and tenderness and passion without asking for a thing in return.

The scent of her. The feel of her skin. The way she’d held Bo like she were something precious, but held nothing back when they’d loved - Bo pushed the suddenly confining sleeping bag down to her waist and rolled onto her back. No one had ever touched her like that, and Bo wanted more.

The one time she wanted something - someone -for herself, and it came with a price tag so expensive, she couldn’t count that high.

Why had Lauren told her?

But that part she understood. If what Lauren had told her was true, and she believed that it was, Lauren must have kept it to herself for years. Years of hiding who she was, and what she’d done, while trying to navigate the world full of constant reminders of what her choice had cost those around her.

So many unanswered questions remained. How had she survived this long? When had she stopped speaking?

And the one question Bo couldn’t stop herself from asking, if only in her mind: did Lauren expect to be absolved for what she’d done?

But Lauren hadn’t asked her for forgiveness. Lauren hadn’t asked for _anything_ since she’d arrived. She’d lent a hand when it was required and never turned down a job - including the gross ones most of the lodgers bartered to avoid. Her medical skills had been welcome, and no one ever needed to ask - Lauren volunteered.

Lauren hadn’t asked Bo to keep her secret, and seemed to expect that Bo wouldn’t keep it to herself. Why else would she have left?

Bo stared into the darkness, hoping for answers and finding none.

 

X — X — X

 

While the rest of the lodgers headed to the commons for breakfast, Bo made a side trip upstairs. She headed for a small south-facing room packed to the ceiling with racks of radio equipment.

“Hey, Cassie.”

The room’s only occupant, a Latina in her late twenties or early thirties with pixie good looks and shoulder-length dark hair, looked at Bo in surprise. “Hi, Bo. What brings you to Central Command so early?”

It was a nickname given to the room by the amateur radio operators who spent time here, of which there were exactly two.

Bo sat in the spare office chair, a sleek top-of-the-line ergonomic model. She recalled when they’d snagged it from an abandoned insurance office on a scavenger run.

“Need a favor.”

Cassie leaned back and tapped her fingers against themselves. “Really?”

Bo rolled her eyes. Help would come at a price. “Yeah, yeah, start the hustle.”

“I want inside-only work details for a month.” This time of year, not a lot of people wanted to go outside in the cold.

“Jesus, Cass, you don’t even know what I’m going to ask for.”

Cassie crossed her arms. “Well, you’re not holding a cup of coffee, which means you haven’t had any yet, so this must be damned important.”

Bo huffed in disgust. Cassie wasn’t wrong.

“One week. I just need you to make a few calls.”

Cassie cocked an eyebrow and tacked on a smirk. “Two weeks. And a shot of your stash.”

Kenzi had been telling tales about Bo’s hidden bottle of twice barreled rye. Bo sighed. For what she wanted, Cassie’s price wasn’t too much to ask. “Deal.”

“Ha!” Cassie rubbed her hands together in victory and wheeled her chair around toward her equipment. “What’s the sitch?”

The lack of sleep the night before had helped Bo isolate the details. Lauren wouldn’t have headed north, despite what she’d told Bruce. The bastards in Kent treated women like chattel and safety there came at a steep price. Lauren wasn’t stupid. That left only a few places in the entire region that were safe enough for her to hole up overnight.

“Ping the camp in Gresham and see if Lauren’s still there. If not, check anything within two day’s travel by armored car to see if she’s come through.”

Cassie turned and gave her a long look, but whatever she saw on Bo’s face kept her from asking any questions.

 

X — X — X

 

Bo grabbed a few extra bullets from the lodge’s precious supplies and stashed them in her pockets. She tried not to think about the possibility of actually using them.

Dyson stepped into the doorway of the supply closet, filling the space with his tall, muscular frame. “Where do you think you’re going?”

With a calmness that surprised her, Bo zipped her coat halfway. “I don’t answer to you, Dyson. Remember that.” She pulled her skullcap from a pocket and put it on.

Cassie’s network of ham operators had yielded results before the breakfast dishes had been cleared from the dining hall. Lauren had caught a small convoy out of Gresham headed south that morning. If Bo left now, she could catch her within a day’s drive.

“I’m aware. I do, however, think it’s my duty to ask you a reasonable question since you just got out of bed yesterday. After lying unconscious for over a day, I might add.”

Dyson stepped closer and leaned into her personal space. “You can’t go off half-cocked again - you’re still recovering from the last bullshit trip outside. One that trashed a crucial vehicle in our fleet.” He was a good-looking man, with short curly blond hair and a neat beard, but his terse manner was off-putting. He squinted at her, his anger leaking though his usually reserved disposition. “Why are you going after her? She’s not one of us and has barely been here a month.”

Bo didn’t know who’d talked to him and revealed her plan, but it didn’t matter. “She’s on her own out there.” It was as good a reason as any, and none of his business anyway.

He straightened, towering over her, but she didn’t think it was about intimidation. “Lauren left of her own free will. If she doesn’t want to be here, let her go.”

There was no time for this and he was blocking her way. “The decision’s made. Move.”

He waited too long. She stepped into him and pushed him aside.

Of course, he followed her into the hall. “Bo,” he said. “We need to ensure the survival of everyone else who actually wants to be here.”

And that was part of the problem.

She stopped on the edge of the common room, aware that she once again had the attention of everyone in it. This time, they mostly pretended to continue their business.

“Dyson,” she said through clenched teeth. “It’s not just about survival anymore.”

Confusion warred with the anger on his face.

She lowered her voice. “Look around. These people are safe. You’ve done your job. But now, we need to take care of people, not just keep them safe. That’s _my_ job. It’s time for us to rebuild what we can, or make something new so we can start living for tomorrow again.”

Bo stared into his confused eyes, hoping she was getting through. “We need to look out for the people who think they don’t belong. Because if it’s not about each other, it’s not about anything.”

She watched him as he looked around at people, and she knew he was trying to understand. There was more, but she wasn’t going to share that with him.

He sighed. “Who’s going with you?”

 

X — X — X

 

Through the lodge’s front doors, Bo could see the waiting cargo van. She stopped when she heard a familiar voice call her name.

Hurricane Kenzi navigated the common room’s tables and chairs with surprising ease considering their haphazard placement and the size and maneuverability of her crutches.

“I’m coming with.“

Bo lowered her voice and stepped into swinging range. “No.” Hopefully, Kenzi wouldn’t use the crutches as weapons, but she might.

Kenzi huffed so hard, Bo’s hair blew back.

“Bo, you can’t go out there alone.”

“Not this time, Kenz.”

“Who’s gonna - “ Kenzi teared up, and bit her lower lip before she spoke again. “Who’s gonna watch your back?”

“A couple of the guys need to be trained on the route to the Medford outpost. I’m taking them with me.” She offered a rare small smile. “I’ll be fine.”

She hoped that was true.

For once, Kenzi didn’t have anything to say.

“Look,” Bo said as she gave Kenzi a hug. “Have Cassie check in if it makes you feel better, but not too often, okay?”

Kenzi blotted her face with her sleeve even though she wasn’t wearing makeup. “You sure she’s the one, Bo?”

She must think Bo was crazy.

Bo shrugged. “I don’t know about that, but I do know that I can’t let her go.”

 

X — X — X

 

She second-guessed herself the whole ride.

It wasn’t her story to tell, but even if she told someone, the best case scenario would result in Lauren’s exile. They’d been tested once before when one of the lodgers turned out to be a convicted felon of the worst kind. No one had wanted to kill him, but they didn’t want him to stay either. By Bo’s order, they gave the man some supplies and passage to one of the waystations along an old world freeway. He’d never come back, and Bo didn’t know if he’d survived or not.

That would be the best that Lauren could hope for, which she obviously knew since she’d made that choice herself.

The worst would be cold-blooded murder if anyone took their vengeance, but to what end? It would accomplish nothing but temporary satisfaction for anyone angry enough to kill Lauren. It wouldn’t change anything, or bring anyone back, and would instead only rid the lodge of its best medic.

Thinking of all possible outcomes hurt Bo’s still-healing head. Gods, why did everything have to be so hard?

Then again, since when had she taken the easy way out?

The miles flew by once they hit one of the open back roads where there were fewer obstacles. She looked out at the winter landscape, the lack of movement or human presence making it more desolate.

What did or didn’t matter changed nothing in reality. The world was still forever broken.

On the other hand, Bo could choose not to be alone.

 

X — X — X

 

Two hours of daylight remained when Bo and her fellow travelers arrived at their destination. On a small hill outside of what had been Medford, Oregon, inside a double-fenced perimeter topped with razor wire, the rundown buildings of the outpost stood in the wan afternoon light.

It was more of a waystation than a complete compound. Though it featured a large carport and an unadorned two-story cabin made of wood, cement and stone with a three-hundred-sixty degree crow’s nest at its peak, it had no permanent residents and few if any supplies were stored here.

For people passing through, it was a safe and secure place to hole up overnight.The doors barricaded and the vantage point at the top made it simple to keep watch. Bo sent her crew to secure the vehicle and lodging, then went in search of Lauren.

The minimally furnished bunkrooms were on the second floor. The first floor was a windowless musty mess hall lit by an old oil lantern that cast wan light over a handful of tables. Most were empty, but the occupant of a table in the far corner caught her attention.

Lauren sat staring at the steam rising from a chipped mug. Bundled in an old army coat against the cold with her hair tucked into her skullcap, hunched over against the world, Lauren looked lost and bereft.

When Bo headed toward the corner, Lauren looked up in question and then in shock. She twitched like she wanted to run.

Bo walked over as if she were approaching a cornered animal. She kept her hands out in the open until she reached the table, then sat down across from Lauren.

“Bo.” The fact that Lauren spoke aloud demonstrated her surprise, though her voice was low enough that it didn’t carry far. “What are you - ” She swallowed her next words, and then looked toward the door. “Where’s Dyson?”

Bo put her hands flat on the table. She matched Lauren’s low tone. “He’s not here. It’s just me.”

“You came here alone?” Now Lauren hissed in an angry whisper. “After what you just went through? That’s stupid -“

“No.” With a tilt of her head, Bo clarified. “I mean, I’m here with a couple of guys from the lodge.”

Lauren’s face steeled in resolve. Eyes Bo remembered to be a warm brown were now black and cold in the low light. “I won’t stand trial. You can’t make me.” She reached toward the large backpack next to her, and Bo wondered if she had a gun.

Trials were common in areas where humans had grouped together. Most of the time, they were less jury-by-peer and more mob justice. Bo had conducted a few at the lodge, and hated that they were necessary. The thought had never occurred to her - to try Lauren for what she’d revealed.

“I’m not going to…that’s not why I’m…” Bo sighed in frustration. “Look, I just want to talk to you.”

Lauren stayed her hand on the bag, but pulled it closer. “I don’t want to talk about - anything. You should go.”

It was a stupid thing to say. Lauren knew Bo couldn’t go anywhere until morning.

Bo started to speak again, but glanced sideways at the room’s other occupants. Two men ate a meager dinner at another table, but didn’t pay them any mind. The doors opened and Bo’s companions walked in, stomping mud from their boots. They waved at her and Lauren, then headed upstairs, oblivious to the tension.

When Bo looked back at Lauren, she saw surprise.

“Really. I’m only here to talk.” And hopefully, persuade Lauren to return to the lodge with her. For good.

“I’ve told you everything,” Lauren said.

That couldn’t be true. Years had past since the events Lauren had described. So much must have happened, but maybe Lauren didn’t want to talk about it. Bo could understand that. She certainly had plenty of things in her own past she didn’t want to talk about either.

“Well, maybe I’ve got a few things I want to say.”

This time, Lauren looked at the other people in the room. Bo nodded at Lauren’s drink, inviting her to consume it while it was still hot. It took Lauren a moment to give in, but eventually she went back to drinking her tea.

Her hand stayed on her bag.

When the occupants of the other table left them alone in the dark room, Bo relaxed. She reached into the inside chest pocket of her coat and pulled out a matte black flask. Instead of her rumored stash, it held a sample of the latest batch from the lodge’s distillery.

“I think this conversation calls for…well, whatever this is.” She took a swig herself. Spicy and young, the whiskey made her cough. Then she offered to pour some into Lauren’s cup.

Lauren looked like she was going to decline, but then something on Bo’s face must have made her give in. She nodded, and Bo poured a tiny bit into Lauren’s tea.

Once again, they stared at each other. The tightness around Lauren’s eyes was back, and Bo could tell she hadn’t slept.

She could set Lauren at ease about one thing at least. “I didn’t tell anyone else.”

Incredulity made Lauren set down her mug. “What?”

“Frankly, Lauren, it’s not my story to tell. And I’m not _going_ to tell anyone else.”

Bo was surprised to discover that she could live without talking about it ever again. The number of things she could shove into an emotional drawer, never to be opened, should have surprised her, but if it meant she could keep moving forward, she’d do it. Therapy didn’t exist anymore. “If you’re looking for forgiveness, I can’t help you.” The words that came tumbling out of her mouth weren’t as gentle as she’d hoped, but they were true.

Her words landed and Lauren’s eyes widened.

Bo shook her head as she spoke. “It’s too big for me. Too much, and I can’t even begin to process it. I’ve tried. What I can offer is acceptance.”

She lived in a world where she’d promised to kill her best friend if needed. She could live with this.

“We’re here, in this world, now. We can’t change how we got here. I don’t want to think about what happened before. Maybe you need to, so you can live with yourself, but I can’t. All I know is that I - I -“

Bo looked down and was surprised to feel tears. “All I know is that I want you to stay. With me.”

When she looked back, she saw that Lauren wasn’t good at hiding her emotions, and hope warred with disbelief. Encouraged, Bo continued.

She tilted her head to one side. “Maybe it matters to you that I can accept what you told me, and that I don’t want anything else from you. Maybe you think less of me because I can put all that behind me, but I have enough to worry about here and now without trying to rationalize how we got here. The what-ifs, the maybes, none of that matters. Not really. We’re here now. This is our world, and I have to live in it -“

Lauren’s shock turned to disdain, though it was directed at herself and not Bo. “You wouldn’t have to if I hadn’t -

“Stop.”

The chasm between them stretched wide, but Bo was tired of it. She reached across the table and took Lauren’s hand. Lauren tried to pull away, but Bo wouldn’t let her go. “Stop, Lauren. Just - “

She softened her voice. “Please.” It was too soon to say the other words she knew were true, the ones that conveyed the depth of her feeling. She wasn’t ready to say them, and she was sure Lauren wouldn’t believe them. They’d be suspect if spoken here and now, their truth wasted.

She squeezed Lauren’s hand tightly, trying to convey her sincerity - with pain if necessary. “You don’t have to run anymore.”

The shine in Lauren’s eyes proved her words had been received as intended.

Bo leaned closer. “And you don’t have to hide. Not from me.”

 

X — X — X

 

Three weeks later, Bo walked into the lodge infirmary as she tucked gloves in her pockets. Lauren sat at the small desk, making notes on a clipboard.

“Another group hit the lower watch,” Bo said by way of greeting.

Lauren looked up in alarm.

Bo offered a small rare smile. “We’ve been expecting these folks. I’m headed out to meet them. It’s only a short run. Shouldn’t take long.”

Everyone said “a short run” like it was no big deal, but whenever someone went outside the perimeter, they ran the risk of never returning.

Bo didn’t like to make a point of acknowledging what they all knew. She knew she might not come back, as did Lauren - better than most.

Still, this was the world now, and the more people she brought to safety inside the sanctuary, the better for everyone. A day trip was worth the risk, especially if Lauren waited for her return.

Bo watched the sigh roll through Lauren’s body. As uneasy as she was, Lauren looked better now - calmer, more centered. Sharing the darkest pieces of herself with Bo had settled something in her that Bo saw every time she looked in Lauren’s eyes.

Those eyes looked at her now with concern, but resolve. And maybe something else.

Lauren stood and stepped closer to Bo. “I’ll be here,” she said in her quiet whisper, and leaned in for a kiss.

Bo let it warm her from the inside out, then licked her lips when she pulled away. “I’ll be back.”

 

**_\- FIN -_ **

 

_Author’s note:This story would NOT let me sleep. For months, I imagined several key scenes, but it took awhile for the entire story to reveal itself. I wasn’t sure where these two versions of our favorite characters might end up. A friend swears to me that there’s a novel here, but I’m not yet convinced. Time will tell. Let me know what you think in the reviews section and on Twitter ( at virginiablk517). I’m already working on the next story, so I’ll see you all soon. ~VB517_

 

 


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